Things You Can Give A Woman Who “Has Everything” (by a Solo World Traveler)

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This story takes place in an unsuspecting cafe in Florida. As a writer, I find that I do my best work in a good cafe with even better espresso. I often say I have to “go into the office,” but really, my office is a constellation of cafés scattered across cities and continents. I walked in, ordered my coffee, and picked a seat near the window…the best kind of desk, if you ask me.

After awhile, 2 guys sat down near me. One was wearing a green Ralph Lauren polo, and the other had on a black t-shirt and a backwards Atlanta Falcons hat. The tables were close enough that I could hear them talking, but I didn’t pay much attention. That is…until I heard the one in the Atlanta hat say, “…I don’t know, but I really like her.”

I stopped, my eyes darting over in their direction. This cafe was known for their creative lattes, but I didn’t realize the eavesdropping potential was equally as good. I lowered my coffee cup slowly, now paying much more attention than I was before. Atlanta had that boyish grin on his face that men get when they really like a girl, even as he playfully shook his head as if to say I don’t have a chance. I didn’t know him or Ralph, and certainly didn’t know who “she” was…but something told me to listen.

“I want to ask her out so bad,” Atlanta continued. “Why don’t you?” Ralph asked.

I watched Atlanta take his hat off out of the corner of my eye and run his fingers through his hair. He shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said. “She’s nice, she’s smart, she’s got a good personality. But it’s like…she’s got everything, you know? She has a great job, and she makes good money. She lives in the city and can afford her apartment by herself. And when I say she’s smart, I mean she’s really smart. She basically runs her company. I would ask her out, but I feel like I don’t have anything to give her.”

If I would have been drinking my latte when I heard him say that, I would have spit it out in shock. His words equally surprised me just as much as they broke my heart. I thought about how many versions of him I’ve known in my life — someone who assumes a woman who “has it all” doesn’t need anything. As if the only currency that matters is status, income, or power. I opened my mouth before I could stop myself.

“Excuse me,” I said, whirling my chair around while simultaneously shutting my laptop.

Both of them jumped, and for a moment, my face flushed…realizing how dramatic that probably looked from their end. And although the rational part of my brain was telling me this was none of my business, I kept going.

“Umm…sorry,” I said. “But actually, there’s a lot you can give her.”

Atlanta looked at me, genuine confusion on his face.

“Hear me out,” I said. “You can give her your presence. There are so many distractions in the world today. But being fully there with her – physically and mentally – is so valuable to a woman. Talk to her. Ask what she loves, and remember what’s important to her. Find out what makes her laugh. Women love to laugh.”

“Umm…okay…” Atlanta said, sounding slightly unsure.

I continued: “You can give her safety. I’m talking mental and emotional safety, not just physical. You could bring her so much peace. When a woman feels at peace, that’s when you get the best version of her. When she feels emotionally safe, she doesn’t have to question where she stands or worry if she’s ‘too much.’ Peace and emotional safety mean everything…especially if her job is intense and her life in the city is chaotic. She probably spends most days being strong in every area of her life. But I bet if you asked her, she would let you take care of her. Because even the strongest women get tired of doing it all themselves.”

Atlanta nodded, slowly understanding more and more. Meanwhile, I paused, giving a silent thank you to the men throughout my life who have brought me this type of peace.

“You can give her open communication,” I said. “In fact, this is one of the greatest gifts you can give a woman. Give her a safe space to express her thoughts and feelings. Give her honesty. Be the person she doesn’t have to read between the lines with. Give her your attention, and really listen. Listening is one of the most underrated forms of love. Flirt with her. If you think she looks beautiful, tell her. Tell her what you like about her. Be observant, and notice things about her…especially the little things. Notice the color she paints her nails…whether she wears gold or silver jewelry…if she prefers wine over cocktails. And speaking of the little things, prioritize doing the little things. Small, consistent acts of love will always outweigh grand gestures.”

I paused, and took a breath. I didn’t really expect to go this hard, but the words just kept coming. Did I ask for an extra shot of espresso this morning? Meanwhile, Atlanta and Ralph just stared at me, taking it all in.

I went on. “You can support her goals…both personal and professional. Listen to her vent when she has a bad day. Help her with tasks, like cooking dinner. Be a consistent and dependable presence in her life…the one she doesn’t have to second-guess. Plan dates for her…especially if she’s as overwhelmed with her day-to-day life as you’re describing. You don’t need to get it perfect…especially in the beginning. You just need to try. You need to put in effort. Effort is louder than words…and trust me, she’ll notice.”

Both men nodded.

“Lastly,” I said, “make sure you lead with love — not your ego. This means having tough conversations without raising your voice, and asking questions instead of getting defensive. It means respecting her boundaries, and prioritizing her peace over your need to be in control. Real connection stems from love and respect, not power. When it comes to women who ‘have everything,’ your currency lies in how you treat them.”

I leaned back in my chair and exhaled a long breath, feeling confident that I successfully overwhelmed both of them. But something kept telling me they needed to hear it.

“Wow…” Atlanta finally said. “I guess…I guess I never really thought of it like that.”

I smiled as I packed up my things, realizing I got absolutely no work done and yet a lot of work done.
“You should ask her out,” I said.
“I will,” he replied. “Umm…thank you for everything you said. Can I do anything for you?”

“Invite me to the wedding,” I grinned, tossing him a wink as I stepped out the door.